I left a note. Hospital management rang me the next day and said my behaviour was ‘highly inappropriate.’

I was visiting a sick friend in hospital for about the tenth time that month. On three separate days I locked eyes with a female employee, so I wrote her a note, checked I’d written it in a kind tone, left it at reception, and asked if they could please pass it on. I told reception they could read it first so they could be assured it was well-mannered.

The note read: 

Hi. You have really nice eyes. I would love to hang out as friends. Feel free to text me at X. If not, that’s totally cool.

The next day, hospital management rang me and informed me my actions were “highly inappropriate.” The word “harassment” was used. I was completely thrown. I didn’t agree with their assertion, but accepted what they put to me and apologised sincerely, so not to extend the stress I had caused, and to see the matter closed.

After hanging up the phone I felt a multitude of feelings. I felt horrible. I didn’t intend for anyone to be harassed. My intention was actually the opposite. I didn’t want to physically approach the employee because I didn’t want to distract or embarrass her while she was doing her very important work.

I felt like my character had been attacked. This was not a ‘love’ note. I had deliberately written the word ‘friends,’ firstly because I meant it, and secondly because I didn’t want the employee to feel like she was being hit-on or objectified.

And I felt confused. I thought I knew right from wrong when it came to this kind of thing, but actually have no idea.

Dating apps depress me. I’ve used them, and I felt like a terrible person doing so. Yet most see it as normal.

The growing trend of private messaging strangers also disheartens me. I’ve done this also, not to a stranger, but to a woman I’ve established a connection with, and despite me again just asking to be friends, I felt really uncomfortable. Again, most see this as normal.

I’m old-fashioned; I prefer to approach a woman and say “hello.” Or in this instance if the woman is working, or may be inconvenienced by an approach, leave a short, polite note.

But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe society’s standards have changed. Maybe it’s out with the old and in with the new. 

It’s important I make one thing clear - I don’t tell this tale in an attempt to discredit hospitals. That is the last thing I want to do. Firstly, because I’m the son of a nurse who for 30 years worked in an environment that continues to been under-funded and under-supported. And secondly, because despite their lifesaving work, hospitals and healthcare workers continue to be unfairly criticised, and left high and dry by our decision makers. 

I am a supporter of everyone who works in healthcare. It takes a special kind of person, especially when taking up a position on the front line. 

No, I write this tale to soothe my soul. For days I let that phone call affect me. It really made me question if I was a good person, and I genuinely decided that I was never going to make an approach again. 

As they tend to do, the emotions eventually cooled off, and I told myself I needed to keep an open mind - ‘don’t completely close the book on saying “hello” to women in the right way, whatever the right way may be.’

I say ‘needed,’ because what convinced me was the reality that we all need to stay connected, be it through family-ships, relationships or friendships. In the case of relationships, no one should ever be made to feel - even by themselves - as though they deserve loneliness over a new friend or potential partner. 

It is okay for you to say ‘hello’ to someone in a respectful manner, ask them some questions about themselves, or even ask them out. And you should not be shamed for doing so, not even by yourself. 

And if it doesn’t work out, things go pear shaped, or you’re accused of inappropriate behaviour, follow your morals, believe that you’re a good person, and maybe do what I did after all that...

Days after the phone call, I returned to that same hospital to visit my sick friend, and kept an eye out for the employee. She wasn’t there. Two days later I returned again and this time I spotted her behind a different reception desk, so I went up and asked if she had a minute. 

In a private space, I apologised to her for the note, and that I felt horrible that she felt harassed because of it. If I saw a woman being harassed in any setting, I would step in and offer some help. 

She told me I didn’t have anything to apologise for. She said she didn’t have a problem with the note, she didn’t think it was inappropriate, and she didn’t feel harassed. She said it was the hospital reception - not her - who made management aware of the note, and that she would have appreciated if either had come to her first and asked how she felt about it, instead of management immediately ringing me. She said she had a partner.

I appreciated her honesty, but maintained how sorry I was that she had to deal with the whole circumstance at all. 

That interaction certainly calmed the self-hate running through me, although I am not yet at complete peace. 

And while I meant what I said above about no one deserving loneliness, and it being okay to say ‘hello’ in a respectful manner, I must admit that the next time I see a girl with gorgeous eyes in any kind of setting, I’m more likely to turn around and walk the other way. 

I hope the healing continues.